Should Men really win all the Bread?

Now that Valentine is over, and quite a number of ladies got rings “put on it”, I want to talk serious business. Why? Because my friend, roses may be red, but that does not pay the bills. And we all know that when it comes to money matters, well…nothing else really matters!

Let me tell you a story about Aunty Azuka ( not her real name).

Aunty Azuka is a paternal relative who lived with us while I was a kid. She would sit in front of the mirror, smacking her lips in satisfaction after painting them red. I remember the way her braids would usually start after her hair edges, with just enough space to gel errant strands to the side. Of course, thinking back now, it was a little bit local, but still, it had that Aunty Azuka effect.

My fondest memory of her however is her Egusi soup. It was amazing. In fact, everything about her was amazing. Even the man she brought home to marry. A bulky mass of handsomeness who swore heaven and earth to take care of Aunty Azuka. Except that well, he never really got around to it. Business went bad. And then, almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, their marriage became inevitably strained because Aunty Azuka refused to take a 15,000 Naira teaching job offered to her when the going got really tough. So yes, theirs was a love gone sour. They went from planning exotic vacations to quietly auctioning their properties.

The last time I heard from Aunty Azuka was when she had relocated to the village. Visibly worn out from the years of hardship, she had become a ghost of the pretty 25 year old I once admired. In her place was a haunted woman, who had changed in every way except one: she continued to believe that it was her husband’s place, no, his primary duty as a man to provide for her. Of course it didn’t help that she came from a long line of men who proudly were the sole providers in their respective families.

So, I have been thinking about Aunty Azuka lately and I can’t help but wonder if she was right in insisting that her husband be the sole provider of the family.

The thing is,  almost every religious ideal says a man should provide for his family. But the question is, to what extent please? Should the man sweat and slave away, only to bring the spoils to a wife who drinks tea all day and watches reality TV? And when he tries and is unable to meet up, should society tag him a failure? Because his mates can afford their wives year-round Dubai trips, but somehow, he hasn’t even mastered how to pay the kids school fees without breaking a sweat.

It’s time to wake up and well, smell the economy. The man is the provider, sure. He wins the bread, arguably so. But is he the sole provider? Like did he really come to this world to marry and slave himself to death? Think about it, it is not just impractical; it is injurious to any kind of relationships. And I will tell you why:

• I know he loves you and swears he will always take care of you, but I assure you, one day you will wake and wonder what happened to the sweet darling you once married. Besides, recharge card today, underwear tomorrow…money for gas, money for maggi. Girl, is that really how you want to live your life? You really want to wait on a man every single week for hair money? That is not love, it is bondage!!
• You cannot possibly expect to run a life, much less a family on one person’s income. At least not in Nigeria today. So my dear, forget the puffed up pride of men who insist their wives should sit at home and do nothing. I don’t care about the chieftaincy title he has, he is still not immune to the fluctuating economy. And when that rainy day comes, you better have the umbrella of a separate income to sustain and support the family.
• This whole “Your money is our money” slogan is simply ridiculous. Like seriously, what are you? The Federal Government?  If you expect him to lay his cash all down for you, then you should be willing to take on some responsibilities from your end. Why? Because, your mission in life is not to kill the poor man biko.
• Your in-laws are not quite the angels you think. God forbid that your husband dies and you have a movie character of Patience Ozokwo as your in-law. That is something you don’t want to go through, so please don’t give room for it to happen.

I really am not trying to lash out on women. I’m merely saying that as women we need to chill with this whole, the man is the provider thing. For our good, for the good of our children and for continued happiness in our marriages.

On a , if you did happen to get a ring on it recently, you have my warmest congratulations!