Becoming a Ladies’ Man

I was at an event recently and  I couldn’t help but notice this specimen of handsomeness standing beside me. I have the sharpest side view; I could look straight ahead and yet capture every detail of the person next to me. So on this occasion, this dark guy, with an Afro and the right amount of height was the object of my interest. At first, my eyes darted towards him  in simple appreciation of his great looks, but then the darts became more frequent and were spurred by curiosity. What was it I was seeing? His hands, which seemed to be in his pockets, were actually, horridly and conveniently scratching his groins! No, it was not one off, he kept going back, forth and then back again. As if reading my distaste, he took his hands out and then casually poked his fingers into his nostrils. By this time, I had thrown caution out the window and fixed a full stare at him. But dude kept rolling his fingers in his nose sack. He would roll, pick and then flick out the dirt. I thought I would have a heart attack, but this guy was the king of surprises. Because in a moment of careless surrender to fatigue, he raised his arms in a stretch and that’s when I almost passed out. Up there, in his arm pit, was a forest. A massive hair clutter that seemed to snuff out the oxygen in my lungs, even from the distance.

Life really has a way with humour, because sometime during the meeting, dude walked up to me and requested for my number. Of course he got nothing but a generous space of distance. I gave him as much distance as I can muster. How can a human being be so physically appealing and yet be such a social horror? In fact, why should anyone be socially inept, especially in the ways of wooing a woman?

I think I can speak for a number of ladies who have a wealth of experience with awkward moments when a man stands as a gross contradiction of male appeal. Like the cute dimpled guy with mouth odour or the charmer whose trousers end just above his ankles.  I was once friends with a guy who was completely smitten by me and would lavish me with gifts of bibles and Christian books. Another guy would send me the latest Mount Zion CD’s and would call me later and build conversations around the excruciatingly boring plot.

If you are a man and you fall under this category, you seriously need to up your game. Ladies are not going to smile at you and fall on your lap just because you indicate interest. You have to be the kind of man a lady wants to be with. That’s right, you have to be a ladies’ man!

This is why I have decided to do something for you guys which will leave you basking in sultry confidence and silky smooth lines and, most importantly, without the likelihood of habits that will send ladies running the opposite direction from you. Here goes:

Clean up nice: Under no circumstance whatsoever should you have a scent that is not thrilling. You are absolutely not allowed to smell of stale sweat, or dirt or fish. Wear cologne, doesn’t have to be heavy, but please wear one.

Get out of your head: Don’t give a woman gifts that feed your sense of ideal; you know, things like bibles or cooking pots or any other chauvinist inspired items. You need to get out of your head and get into what women really want. 

Play it cool: I hate to burst your bubble, but you are not quite the best thing to happen to the female specie. Don’t flash that smile and demand for her number simply because you think you are God’s gift to the earth. A sense of entitlement or arrogance is a worse turn off than a foul odour.

Sense of humour: Ladies want a man who can get them to laugh. Have you ever met the proverbial funniest dude in the room? Girls naturally gravitate to them. And no, humour does not include crude jokes or belching in public.

Be yourself: Be as natural as you can. You won’t always win by faking it. So please don’t force an accent just because you think it’s cool to sound foreign. Most girls would appreciate a man who is comfortable in his own skin. Be that man. Even if she doesn’t date you, she will respect you.