I can totally relate with the fever pitch urgency that comes with falling in love. I mean, who cares about a background check when the person of your dreams stands right before your eyes? No, we simply fall hard and fast. In fact, we fall so hard that we hit our head on the pavement of reality and just as suddenly wake up to the stark realisation of overlooked habits, alarming differences and what not. So after a trail of personal experiences, I came to a staggering conclusion. Love is 10% butterflies and 90% common sense. I am saying this with the seriousness with which I wrote my bar finals. But if you still insist on a romantic life without adequately employing reason, then even your parents, pastor or psychologist will not be able to save you from the drama that will ensue. So, as someone who has been there, I have taken the liberty to list out 7 questions to consider before you let yourself get whisked away. Like we say in Law…at least employ ’the test of a reasonable man’. Here goes:
1: Philosophy of life
How do two people even remotely relate when their core life philosophies differ? I’m not necessarily advocating for sameness on all levels of ideals, but hey, two extreme positions will be almost impossible to reconcile. Imagine a chorister in love with a militant atheist? Where will you even start? Conversations, mutual interests will amount to the flat line that indicates death at a life support screen. Sooner or later, the excitement dies and you are left with endless arguments.
2: Financial Status
Oh please, don’t even get modest on me. Money is the glue that holds society together and if you doubt me, try paying some bills with mere good intentions. You need to weigh how high or low Cinderella or Prince Charming is at the food chain. I am not saying it has to be criteria for commitment, but know what a person has to offer, and if it is not much, it will help you decide where you need to meet the person half way, and the financial commitments you will need to make for the relationship to work. Please, it is also important to set realistic margins, don’t weigh a person based on potential. Judge their capacity now, potential is a bonus.
3: Past relationships
We usually don’t want to go there, but please, that’s exactly where you need to go. Dive in, dig out the gory details and with as much clarity as you can manage, ensure that the relationship or emotional commitment is over. Many times, a person is still attached to their ex, either emotionally or expressly in an active off and on relationship. The entanglement of a past relationship will eventually choke any feelings you may have for the person now.
4: Attraction
I know it is like stating the obvious, but you would be amazed. Sometimes you are really attracted to the idea of a person. Maybe he/she has certain qualities you wrote on paper, and you find yourself drawn to them. But when the shroud of that mental Photoshop is taken out, you need to ask; do I really want to be with this person, intimately.
5: Age
If you don’t mind, then it won’t matter. But uhm, still ask. It helps you mentally place a person and know what to expect in terms of their interests or other social inclinations. If a lady for instance is 27 and the man is 42, he will either have to act younger or she will have to act older. One thing is certain, they won’t particularly think alike on all grounds.
6: Friends
This is not something you can find out on a first meet basis. But I beseech you in my most severe countenance to hold on to your heart until you know who he calls buddies. Like someone said, if you move in a group with 4 foolish friends, then you are the 5th foolish person. So, get to know his friends oh, save your heart the trouble of falling for a possible cultist.
7: Plan
Everybody needs to have a plan and if this person doesn’t have one, run. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate 5 year blue print, but no one is really in this world to simply chill out. He needs to have a goal or something. Ambition is attractive. Even if small and unrefined; ambition is success in the making.
Finally remember, there are no absolutes rules. But love should be smart. So play smart!
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