How To Break Up Without Breaking Hearts

Let’s face it. Not everybody marries the first person they date. In fact, not everybody marries. Period! The idea of happily ever after always leaves a nice fluttering feeling in the pit of my belly, but I have seen enough of real life to know that sometimes love comes to an end. It could be an abrupt screech to a halt with an alarming note of finality or a narrow drive down a slippery slope, with enough bumps to let you know that you  really do not want to be on that journey. I personally believe that break ups are a necessary part of a thriving love life. You have to love yourself enough to know when a relationship becomes toxic or bland, and if the time comes for you to walk out of an unhealthy relationship, you have to be ready.

Needless to say, when leaving a relationship, the temptation is to play dirty and ugly. But you really don’t have to resort to name calling or crying or worse, cheating. You can walk away without the brutality of a wrestling contest, and if you play your cards right, you can actually stay friends with your ex. Which I think is a feat of unimaginable proportions. But first things first, here are 5 ways to break off a relationship without breaking your partner’s heart.

1. Timing is everything: I broke off my first relationship when my then boyfriend was writing his exams. It was a bad period and he had just been told he had an extra year in the University. But in my defense, I was 17 and reasonably silly. So, unless you are a teenager with the impatience of a hungry child, do not break off a relationship without considering a right time, place or event. It is common sense to show some sensitivity.
2.  Be bold: I mean, if you are going to leave a person, don’t play the distance game. It is mean and cheap. Don’t settle for an affair and hope to get caught. Don’t plot or scheme your way out. Simply communicate same and do it directly. A guy told me once that he broke up with his ex via text message. I almost slapped him. Do it face to face. You owe them that much.
3. Forget the past: So you want to leave, why make it about something your partner did in the past? Especially a past issue that was presumably forgiven and forgotten. If there was ever an ugly scene between you two, keep it there, tucked neatly in the recess of your mind.
4. Avoid recycled clichés: “it’s not you, it’s me” (like seriously, if it isn’t them and it’s really you, why don’t you get your act together and stay in the relationship. Don’t say that please), “I think we need to take a break” (What does this even mean? It’s either you want out or not. Don’t give an open space to misbehave) “ “You are too good for me” (Okay, so I think this phrase should win an award for most idiotic statement of all time. Ignore the strong language, but really, which right thinking human being walks away from something so good for them? )  Bottom line is, say things as it is. “I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore. It’s harsh, but it’s the truth. You may not be their favourite  person at that particular time, but I almost assure you that you will earn their respect eventually.
5. Act the part: You see, break ups are tricky because it is hardly a decision mutually agreed on. So there are strong chances that you want out but your partner very much wants in. Nobody lets go without at least some sort of resistance. Depending on their psychological disposition, it could range from outright pleading, sermonizing, economic negotiations and then sometimes emotional blackmail. No matter what happens, you do not break up with a person and invite them to the Cinema the following weekend. Like Duh!! Letting go is one of the hardest things a person will ever have to do. And you invariably make it easier for them when you detach yourself. Create a much required distance after the break up and give the other party time to internalize the process and come out stronger.

Above all, be sure it is something you absolutely want or need to do. Don’t be quick to throw away a good thing.

Photo Credit: Ynaija.com