I have often seen myself as one falling behind in social evolution. All the symptoms are there: a constantly depleting pool of friends, a recurring inability to voice out in group discussions or to fit into cliques and, perhaps more devastatingly, a stubborn preference for my own company. Somehow, I have structured for myself a haven fenced with invisible walls, and so far, I have not found the strength or desire to climb out of it.
Friends hardly get why sometimes, I would grow suddenly detached, almost distant, or why my idea of fun is watching movies on my laptop as opposed to the perceived thrill from a cinema trip. I won’t say I am completely a recluse, but as far as public social interactions go, I definitely have a lot of catching up to do.
Naturally, this comes with its own consequences. There is a tendency, once in a while, to wake up in panic, confronted by a certain aching emptiness, the sudden realization that the space and the silence you have dutifully conjured, is in fact, choking you, and leaving you painfully aware of how lonely you feel, however momentarily.
In less dramatic instances, such feelings of loneliness could simply be the sense of detachment you feel after a heartbreak or upon moving to a different environment or worse, could be triggered by the permanence of losing a loved one to death.
Regardless, given the right situation, we all can and may get lonely, even when surrounded by people. In other words, life, at one point or the other, will overwhelm you with a sense of abandonment. Unfortunately, for some people, the feeling is so alien, they are completely at odds on how to cope with it, so they let themselves sink into an almost irredeemable depression, or in the least, hate that they have to feel so alone.
So I have decided to share 5 practical ways to deal with loneliness, regardless of whatever it is that triggers it.
Embrace the feeling: Because, that is exactly what it is, a feeling, not a truth, and definitely not a parameter for measuring how brilliant and colourful your life is. In a time when people think there is something awfully deficient about feeling lonely, or perceive inactivity as social suicide, remind yourself that loneliness is merely a feeling. Like joy, pain, laughter, or peace. And human that you are, you must allow yourself feel.
Love yourself: Accept the friendship of your own company. Many times we tend to feed our lives with activity after activity, almost as if we are trying to pad up an empty space. And so we fix meetings, and structure our schedules in such a way that it does not permit an iota of free time. Note. It is okay if you really are the busy type, after all, there is so much to do in this modern age. Just be sure that it is not a semi conscious attempt to chase events and places in order to avoid spending time with yourself .
Observe: Take advantage of the particular moments of aloneness and learn from people. Busyness tends to rob us of introspection and observation. But there is a lot of wonderful things and people and ideas to get up in. You might find that loneliness could help you empathise more or understand people more or appreciate your relationships better. It might even help you get more in tune with nature, depending on your inclinations of course.
Do something with your free time: Nothing validates solitude like creativity. So don’t just curl up in a corner and wonder into fantasy land. If there is nothing you think you can immediately create, you can always volunteer your time in an environment that doesn’t require the exertion of so much energy. Basically, don’t spend the entire period listening to Tracy Chapman, especially if your loneliness is a result of a heartbreak.
Reach out: Connect with people every now and again. More importantly, don’t wait for friends to persistently reach you with their concerns. You are not created to be invincible. Your life is a miracle that needs to sync with other people. So plug in, get out there, get in touch, however sporadically. Be seen. Be felt. Be remembered.
I would love to hear from you in the comment section on how you cope with loneliness. Do drop a line or two.
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