Firstly, I want to say how much this topic needs to be addressed, yet due to the taboo nature of women and sexuality in general, many issues like this often go ignored.
Female circumcision also known as Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is a widespread custom throughout various countries in Africa and a few outside of the continent.
Of all women and girls who have had the procedure done worldwide, about one quarter of them are Nigerian women due to the population size of the country. This means that Nigeria has the largest absolute number of women and girls who have been circumcised. Although female circumcision was legally banned in Nigeria on May 5th, 2015, much work needs to be done to fully address the issue and alleviate sexual stigma among women with FGM.
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While we have a brighter future to look forward to regarding the rights of women and girls to be protected against FGM, for those that have already experienced the procedure questions, concerns, and even shame may pervade them. Questions of how they can feel sexually satisfied and whole are something that these women regularly deal with.
Because of so much misinformation and the shame placed on sexuality, women are often plagued with not fully understanding their bodies and their sexual needs. It is important to note that sexual satisfaction is achieved in many ways. Yes, the clitoris is the only organ that solely serves the purpose of sexual pleasure, therefore many woman find their orgasm through clitoral stimulation. That is due to the thousands of nerves located in such a smaller area. But that doesn’t mean that women whose clitoris has been removed or damaged cannot reach orgasm.
In order to attain sexual satisfaction many factors must be considered. First and foremost learning to love, appreciate, and understand your body is key. That means learning to explore your own body absent of a partner. Figure out what feels good to you and what it is that you like. Be free to explore your body through sight and touch. Allow this to help you create recognition within yourself that you too are worthy and deserving of sexual pleasure.
Another essential way to sexual satisfaction is through comfort and attraction to one’s partner. Having a partner that understands your unique needs and is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you are comfortable is paramount. Attraction can come from physical, mental, or emotional connection. Remember, no matter how you are attracted to your partner it is being attracted to them that is a major part of enjoying sex.
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Now that we have gotten the mental needs out of the way, lets move on to the sexual needs. Though some say it is rare, it is very possible for a woman to experience orgasm and sexual satisfaction solely through vaginal intercourse. Most cite that it’s through the infamous G-spot or through the cervix that this is achieved.
Though many have heard about the G-spot and the possibility of orgasm through stimulation to this area, the cervical orgasm still remains a mystery to most.
The cervix is located deep in the center of the vagina and is considered the gateway to life. Often women feel uncomfortable with having their cervix hit as they might feel that thrusts to this area are painful. What many don’t know is that this area is highly sensitive and can create great sexual pleasure and orgasmic release. The key to enjoying cervical stimulation is through building up to the heavy action by slow, gentle warm up strokes to the area.
Another essential component in enjoying cervical penetration is through complete relaxation and being fully open to your partner. Cervical orgasm is a very strong physical and emotional orgasm but most women that cite achieving it say they are with a partner they love and trust, and not typically with a casual sex partner. This is because cervical orgasms are known as “full body” orgasms that spread throughout every part of you from head to toe and can have a great impact well beyond just physical pleasure. It is important to note that while clitoral stimulation creates orgasm for seconds and is felt through pelvic contractions, it is the cervical orgasm that can last up to hours and can be felt throughout the entire body.
There are sexual positions that favor G-spot and the cervical orgasm, and of them all, ‘doggy-style’ is the easiest and most favored. This is because the man is on top and behind the woman allowing for fully controlled thrusts at an angle best positioned to continually stimulate the G-spot that is located about 2-3 cm inside the vagina and the cervix which is a little deeper.
Another favorable position for cervical and G-spot orgasm is a remixed missionary style. This is where the man is on top like he would be with normal missionary – but to switch it up – the woman’s legs are on his shoulders while a pillow is placed under her lower back. This also maximizes the ability for control and constant thrusts to the preferred destination. This position also provides for a more emotionally intimate connection through face-to-face contact.
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You being on top is another great suggestion for vaginal orgasm as it puts the woman in control of her own pace. This position is optimal on a chair or sofa where there is more control for the woman while simultaneously allowing the man to assist through upward thrusting as well.
Though these suggestions are not guaranteed to bring every woman to orgasm, they might be helpful in achieving pleasure.
While female circumcision is an experience only a certain number of women have faced, other forms of sexual trauma has been experienced by hundred of thousands of women all over the world. These incidents have created physical, emotional, and psychological pain for many, and tackling the issue is no easy feat.
Though finding ways to be satisfied sexually is an element of liberating oneself after FGM, it is also important that those that have had these experiences – as well as their loved ones – find ways to work towards helping to heal both the mental and emotional wounds.
In all, it is my hope that you recognize that you are whole and worthy of love and appreciation as well as pleasure.
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