Dear Ladies, It’s Time to Free Married Men!

This is Lagos, where pretty much anything can happen. Strangers may slap your butt and then run off, petty traders may start a fight because you decided to buy pepper from someone else. What can I say? We are a people known for our drama and love of gist, which is why I’m bringing you this story.

This incident I’m about to recount actually happened. Okay, I’ll admit I wasn’t there, but I got the report from a credible source. So it was just another weekday in one of our banks, and Lady B was sitting behind the counter, attending to customers as her job required. Suddenly, Lady A barged in brandishing a black nylon. (At that point no one knew what was in the nylon.)

“I have warned you. Leave my husband alone!” Lady A addressed Lady B. I imagine Lady B sat behind the counter looking puzzled by the chubby woman’s vehement outburst.  Now, if you are familiar with the somberness of a banking hall, you will agree that a little drama is not just welcome, but even necessary. Anyway, Lady A began issuing threats, panting breathlessly, but apparently that was not enough for her because she then reached over the counter and tore Lady B’s shirt.

Of course the other people in the banking hall stared shamelessly as this Nollywood scene played out. Galvanised by the ripped shirt, management and security officials surrounded Lady A in an attempt to escort her off the premises, at which point Lady A raised her polythene weapon in genuine threat. Remember the black nylon? She raised it and the atmosphere became tense. Even the security guys stepped back; it could have been acid and no one wanted to find out the hard way. And then, frustrated by a final act of bravery from an intervening mobile police officer, Lady A’s direct aim shifted slightly, spilling the contents of the nylon on not just Lady B, but also the mobile police and some security officials.

Guess what was inside?

Shit!

No, not shit as in the swear word, but real life poop. Remember that Lagos drama I mentioned earlier? Well, I rest my case!

I’m sure you are wondering why she went to such lengths to vent her anger. I mean, what sort of person even thinks up what she did? Eventually, she was arraigned by the police and I think that served her right, but I also can’t help but wonder about her victim who, like many ladies out there, wilfully date married men. Now, my emphasis is on the wilfulness, because I understand some men go out of their way to hide their marital status from these ladies, and they often do not find out until well into the relationship.

Just to be clear; this post is not about judging women who date married men, but about reminding them why most of these men don’t deserve the sacrifice and loyalty offered them, and that at the end of the day, they deserve better than meaningless crumbs. Every woman deserves more than a man who will be with her in the secrecy of a hotel room, only to return to his wife and kids at the end of the weekend.

So, apart from the possibility of having hundreds of strangers watch as you get poop thrown at you at work, here are other reasons why you should cut off any affair with a married man:

1. He won’t leave his wife for you. I know he swears by the moon that he plans to divorce his wife, but sweetheart, that is likely never happening. More often than not, the separation remains a mere promise, and anyway don’t you know better than to believe any promises made between kisses?
2. There are genuine reasons why people get divorced or separated, but trust me, you don’t want to be that reason. Even if he does buck the trend and leave his wife for you, the truth is that you will then be with a man who can leave a woman for another woman. And darling, the cycle keeps going. Who’s to say he won’t leave you for yet another woman? A straying dog will always be a straying dog.
3. He is probably lying to you. Yes, you know; all the stories about how his wife is a terrible person, can’t cook and looks like Satan. Or better yet, how he is only with her because she trapped him with an unplanned pregnancy. A man will say anything to get between your legs, including insulting a woman he consciously took to the altar.
4. He is playing the emotional card. I spoke to a friend recently whose only reason for staying with a married man was that she had bought into the impression that he needed her. The man in question would cry and blackmail, saying she was the only one who understood him. Darling, don’t believe a lie. Better still, don’t be trapped by a lie!
5. Time is in your favour. So what if you are in your mid-thirties and you think the only people who will give you attention are married men? Keep being level-headed, and the right person will find you.
6. He won’t stay generous forever. He pays your bills and funds the life you desire? One day he will walk away and leave you high and dry. It’s best to be self-sufficient. Develop yourself, invest in the future and be the woman who handles her own bills.
7. Karma, baby! Karma never forgets. I am not big on superstition, but even common sense will tell you that there is a difference between right and wrong, and nature has a way of balancing things out.

So my friend, if you are in this situation, or you know someone who is, know that it is not worth it. Brace yourself. Psyche yourself. And when you are ready, just walk away!